Even when I'm just talking to someone, there's this constant little voice: "Ooh! Closed question! Focus on the positive! Empathy! I need Empathy! How's that body language? Are you mirroring? Don't forget to reflect--but go for the feelings! Get off the content! Move to feelings, or even values! Where is the meaning? WHERE IS THE MEANING?" Good Lord, it's like I have my own personal film director constantly after me to make a freaking blockbuster. It ain't happening. Or, not quickly enough to make this nag go away.
One of the problems with all of this is that I feel really anxious a lot of the time...I feel like I'm always getting caught doing something wrong (that stupid director again). In some ways this has been like opening a Pandora's box of ideas in my own head, and now I'll never be able to silence it.
I know (somewhere) that this is really temporary--at least I hope so. Until then, I've got to figure out a way to accept this, take it maybe as encouragement and not nagging. In the long run it will produce some changes that will make me a better counselor and maybe even a better wife and parent. It's just that parts of this road are bumpier than I'd anticipated, and so early in the journey!